Register Sunday | September 23 | 2018

Britney Spears Naked!

"They will come here thinking they will see Britney Spears get fucked, but instead they will find intellect, culture, and like a dried out sponge they will begin to rehydrate on writing, opinion, youth, concern, society and passion."

I have this theory on how to get more readers, how I can begin domination of the blogsphere. As Lloyd Dobler said, “Ice man. Ice cold. My assault on the world begins now.” The answer is so simple, it was right there before my eyes. Pervs.

See, pervs, like all people really, have a thirst for knowledge, a drive to read wit, brilliance and honesty. Why should they be denied? So, if I just spackle this post with enough “Christina Aguilera naked” references, the next time someone goes to Google, perhaps my humble little living room on the net will be an option. They will stare. What is this Maisonneuve?, they will ask. Is it something kinky? Hot, nekked mothers? Their curiosity will be peaked, they will have to click.

And then Maisy, lead by me, will pounce. Wit, intrigue, eclectic curiosity, my fellow Maisy bloggers and columnists, and cool praying mantis sex-I don’t know if people will actually Google “praying mantis sex” but we cannot discriminate here. These are open-minded days, welcome brothers and sisters. They will peruse the site. Who is this Zachariah Wells, and why is he pissing off poets? A Bob Dylan column? Screenwriters in LA? Dancers in Montreal? Writers from New York? (That last one would be me.) What is a Derek Webster? Why does George Murray not have a photo? Who is Teena Aujla, and why does her photo look so damn alluring, with her pig tales and her beguiling gaze into the distant future? (I’m telling you man, online crushes can be brutal. Between Maud and Teena, I’m wrapping myself in knots.)

They will come here thinking they will see Britney Spears get fucked, but instead they will find intellect, culture, and like a dried out sponge they will begin to rehydrate on writing, opinion, youth, concern, society and passion. The revolution will not be televised, it will fly through fiber optic wires, and it will start right here, in my humble space, with Maisy and the Pervs. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

But, of course, I could be wrong.