It's a known fact that Montreal's women are hot. Not only are we beautiful, we have style, personality, ambition and a keen sense of who we are and where we're going. What's more, we have a cool, relaxed joie de vivre-we like to hang out with our funky, equally hot girlfriends but we're still open to meeting new people. So why are so many of us still single? It's not for lack of trying. We Montreal girls perform the mating ritual until our feathers are ruffled and our tired little wings hurt from flying around in circles. More often than not, it feels that all of our efforts are in vain-we might as well be wearing sweatpants or muumuu dresses like Mama Cass.
Is this problem specifically a "Montreal" thing? Of course not; girls everywhere are frustrated with men who are just "not into them." But I do believe that women in Montreal have a bigger problem on our hands-as a whole, we're just too hot for our own good. Montreal's men are spoiled by the huge selection of gorgeous women they have to choose from. Like kids in a candy store, they don't know where to look first, so they try out all the different flavors of jujubes and jelly beans and then decide to keep tasting because they can't decide on just one.
We have created a situation where there are a large number of girls competing for the attention of a very small number of available guys. So what happens in Montreal when a girl is not a size two and therefore not considered "typically" beautiful? She is completely out of the running. Apparently, there is an average of ten-to-twenty pounds of excess body fat standing between us and finding true love. A little extra around the edges doesn't seem to hurt men's chances, though-women think that a little fat is "cute" and "cuddly." I have seen so many beer-bellied, disheveled men with pretty, well put-together girlfriends that I have lost count.
Is this a double standard? Yes. Is it unfair? Of course it is. But I'm not complaining. That's just the way life is in Montreal and it's not going to change any time soon. What we can do, girls, is stop talking about how men don't appreciate us and start doing something about our situations.
Option #1: Stop hanging out in the same places with the same twenty guys you already know.
We all have our favorite bars where everybody knows our names-going to the same hangouts all the time is fun, comfortable and the DJ always plays the music that we know and love. But let's be realistic girls, it's highly unlikely that we're going to meet anyone new there so we have to stop holding on to that dream. It's time to get out there and attempt a different plan of action. Maybe we should try having drinks at a new bar or sitting on the terrace of a café in a different neighborhood.
Also, if we keep hanging out with our big groups of fabulous girlfriends, we're never going to meet guys. Apparently, we're intimidating when we move about in packs.
I'm all for summer activities. Walk your dog (or borrow a friend's dog for a day) and chill out in a park on a Sunday afternoon. Take tennis lessons or do some other outdoor activity. You never know who you'll meet outside your social circle until you walk the line of uncertainty.
Option #2: Explore your options
I think that the good guys are still out there-we've just been looking in the wrong places. Maybe internet dating is the answer. It's better to do something positive than nothing at all. Even if we have a string of horrible blind dates, at least we've tried, right?
Montreal can learn something from the Spanish town that hosted a large-scale blind date on Saturday, May 6. Teresa Canal, the local innkeeper of the village of Villafrechos, decided that there were too many bachelors in her town and that she needed to step up and do something about it. Like them, we Montrealers need to acknowledge that we have a problem-it's the first step in our recovery process. There's nothing wrong in admitting that we're looking for love. We need to start putting our fragile egos aside, discover a sense of adventure and make dating cool again.
Option #3: Try out the import / export business
Most of the girls who I know who are either married or in long-term relationships have imported their boyfriends from the US, Europe, Australia and even Japan. This leads me to believe that perhaps men from other countries may not be as obsessed with perfection and afraid of commitment as they are here. It's something to consider the next time you meet a tall, dark stranger from a faraway land who wants to give you flowers.
Exporting ourselves to other cities can also be an option. I know, this sounds like a drastic decision, but in some cases the best thing to do is to wash our hands of the situation if we're not happy with the way things are going. Dare I say the word...Toronto? We love talking about how our city is better, but I know it has secretly crossed our minds that the grass may be greener on the other side of the Quebec/Ontario border.
Option #4: Keep on keepin' on
The most annoying thing that anyone can say is, "When you're ready, he'll come." We girls need to stop blaming ourselves for the lack of available men in this city. We constantly put ourselves down, believing that we are the problem. "If only I were thinner, if only I were prettier," "If only I put myself out there more," "If only I said the right thing," etc. We're giving ourselves an inferiority complex for no reason. The most you can do is to go about your business, be as fabulous and flirtatious as you wanna be and hope that some wonderful guy will see how great you are. I really don't think that it should be that difficult. When you meet "the one," you'll know it and he'll know it. At least, that's what they say.
If there is indeed a dating game going on here in Montreal, I think that men are getting pretty cocky about their chances of winning. But, if that's the way men want to play, they better watch out-women can play dirty too.
Daisy Goldstein shares her quirky insights on life in the city. Her column appears every two weeks. Read more columns by Daisy Goldstein.