Register Wednesday | June 26 | 2019

It’s the Amplitude, Dude!

It’s a responsibility to wear your country’s colours, for Pete’s sake!

If I hear the word "amplitude" again, I'm gonna have to go out and shoot a couple of rounds into someone's gas tank (that always makes me feel better). I thought the CBC was supposed to be an English TV station! If my tax dollars are going to pay those reporters, they'd better learn proper English, for criminey's sake! The snowboarding-is this a sport? It's not a race, it's just a bunch of dopeheads seeing who can get higher, in more ways that one! The announcers sound like they are in high school: "Like, the judges are, like, really looking for, like, amplitude." I finally figured out that by amplitude they mean height. Another stoner code-word for getting high! I mean, they are wearing those portable music players, some of them, when they go down the run. What Olympic athlete wears one of those headphones in competition? They dance around before they start their run, like they're at a party. I know I was getting on Beckie Scott for being too serious, but a little bit of focus would be nice. It's a responsibility to wear your country's colours, for Pete's sake!

I went out to the outhouse for my morning session, (I've got quite regular business-it can't wait for a commercial) and on my way back, I heard screaming coming from the cabin. I rushed back in there mighty quick! I thought some poor sod had shot off his own arm, or got his leg caught in one of my bear traps, and staggered into my place. No, it was the darned television. Some crazy Swede yelling his guts out over a couple of rocks and a thing they call a broom, but looks more like a mop. Curling! Now, I suppose I should like them a bit better, as they are the Olympic athletes closest to my age (and weight, in some cases!), but I guess I just don't get how lawn bowling on ice can be that hard. At least, so hard that you need to scream that loud!

Terry Leibel, on women's snowboarder Kelly Clarke: "She looked like a guy out there." I wonder if Terry knows how funny that sounds coming from her? Then she gave us the choice of watching curling (on some other station that I darn sure don't get way up here) or a report on wine. Wine, at 9am? Don't mind if I do!

Some of the women's downhill skiers looked like they had had a few glasses of wine. They were falling all over the place. Apparently it was caused by "icy conditions." A Canadian, Allison Forsythe, tore her ACL. That's a busted knee, I gather. Too bad, too, because she was supposed to win a medal in another ski race, Super Slalom race or some such thing.

I never liked the downhill skiing-too dangerous. But biathlon! Now there's a sport! Skiing around with a gun on your back. I prefer boots to skis, but I can respect what these people are doing. It's tough to calm down to get a straight shot. Imagine, you're walkin' through the woods, and you spot your deer. That's an exciting thing, spotting the prey. You've got to keep quiet, especially your breathing. Don't know how many stupid Americans have scared away the mark by panting. Or missed it cause they were heaving their chest up and down. Well, anyway, any sport with guns has got my vote.

A pretty full morning! There's a speed skater up later, Jeremy Wotherspoon. I'll get back and update for yous. Ok, gotta go chat with Anna!

See you soon,

Donald S. Thompson