Register Monday | June 24 | 2019

Fourth place is the best place

And I'll remind you of that

Hiho! The women's hockey gold medal game is on at the moment. We'll see if that Swedish goalie can handle those Canadians. I will update as I can, but I may have to head out before the game is done. As I type Canada beats the Swedish goalie. Gillian Apps on a screened back-hander.

Meanwhile, they showed some interesting numbers on the screen this morning. Seven Canadians have finished in fourth place so far at these Olympics. They have been saying over and over (almost more often than those talking beavers come on the screen) that fourth place is the worst place to finish. Well, not to be all contrary-like, but maybe it's not. Ok, I guess that is contrary.

First of all, the idea of top three is pretty arbitrary. Who decided that it would be three people who got medals? Why not five? Why not four? I guess it was the ancient Greeks. Right, well, why did they decide that?

I've often heard people say "second place is the first loser." At the Olympics they try to sugar coat that with a silver medal. I think I'd rather come fourth than second. If you come second you've got this big heavy silver reminder that you didn't win. You'll always have it. If you come fourth, though, you'll probably remember it, but after a while, the memory will fade to I did pretty good. At least, that's what I think.

I asked some former Olympians what they thought. Nathan Smith and Dave Scott, two of my co-workers up here, were both fourth in the bob back in the day. Nathan said: "You dick, what'd ya have to go remind me of that for? Fourth sucks." Oh. Well, let's see what Dave has to say:

"Donald, you are an ass. You don't go around asking people, 'Hey, remember when you came fourth at the Olympics? Was it really so bad?' Why are you all of a sudden so into the Olympics anyway?"

Ok, well, enough from those guys. Fourth place, though, is at least in the top ten. I guess maybe what I'm getting at is, after seeing all this stuff, is that, you know, whatever ends up happening, whatever the result is, hell, at least you got to the Olympics, right? I'm still not sure why all this needs to be publicly funded, but I guess if it is, then I have the right to an opinion, eh?

What worries me a little is that they are thinking about rewarding Canadian medallists with cash, like they do in all the commie countries. Well, I can tell you this: if they start that up, I'll definitely be cheering for all of our athletes to finish in that best of all places: fourth!