Register Saturday | June 15 | 2019

Tragedy strikes curling celebrations

Another editor’s note

(It seems the situation is worse than we imagined. Late last night, the body of curling guru Gary Krevice was found in a gutter near Water Street in St. John's, Newfoundland. Presumably he was out celebrating the Gushue rink's gold medal when tragedy struck. It was clearly made to look like an accident-but it was not.

Maisonneuve intern Penny Smart was sent up north to check out the cabin. She found what was clearly the remains of a struggle, and no sign of Donald. She noted that all the cereal bowls were clean and put away-apparently she knows something of Donald's eating habits-which means that he had not yet had time to eat. They must have taken him in the night. On the table was Donald's notebook, open to a page on which was written Krevice's contact information.

Penny, taking a page from her great uncle Maxwell, quickly deduced that whoever it was who got to Donald had tracked him down through the curler. They found him in St. John's (not so hard to find all the curlers in Canada last night-they weren't making themselves inconspicuous) and made sure he couldn't spill the beans on their identity.

The main task now is to find Donald. Penny will head for the nearest town and organise a search of the James Bay area, though I fear it is too late for that-I don't know what they want with Donald, but given that they dispatched of Gary Krevice in less time than it takes Alex Ovechkin to remove Brian McCabe's jockstrap, I don't think they'll waste much time with formalities.

What you can do, faithful readers, is to pray. Also, if you have seen any suspicious looking Russians (we don't know for sure, but we think they are Russian) in Ottawa or Montréal, let us know.

As far as the Olympics go, at this point I can only refer you to the CBC website for results. I can't bear to watch-Donald is the only thing on my mind. And, without his commentary, charming, yet gruff though it was, my posting of results here is merely flat, and wholly uninspired.

It is bad enough that one poor curler has lost his life, especially one with such an intense and powerful relationship with the game, and especially on this, the morrow of Newfoundland's (if not Canada's) greatest curling triumph. But, fear not. We will get Donald back. I have never lost a writer, and I don't intend to lose one now!)