Register Saturday | March 17 | 2018

Yes, Miss Erickson

Maisonneuve’s new star interviewer points her lasers at our very own TIFF correspondent, Celia Lloyd

Today, Miss Erickson calls Maisonneuve’s Toronto International Film Festival blogger Celia Lloyd on the carpet for her lecherous ten-day bender on the Maisonneuve expense account.

Miss Erickson: Throughout your stint at the TIFF, you've lied, stolen, garbage-picked and masturbated to TIFF press conference footage. Who exactly do you think you are Ms. Celia Lloyd?

Celia Lloyd: I did not lie, I did not steal and I certainly did not garbage-pick.

Miss Erickson: The one (decent) consistency in your blog is that you are constantly quoting Oscar Wilde. Explain.

Celia: "Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative." - Oscar Wilde

Miss Erickson: During your interview with Cillian Murphy he explains the overwhelming feeling he had to the great reception of his film. You said you knew exactly how he felt. How the hell could you know what that feels like?

Celia: I touched the man's core, remember?

Miss Erickson: Paris Hilton a French film star? How do you manage to be so out of touch?

Celia: Since my return to Montreal, I have done a little extra research and I concede that I erred in this instance. Paris Hilton is a chanteuse, n'est-ce pas?

Miss Erickson: You seem to quite like the tabloid rags, Ms. Lloyd. What kind of a message is that to our readers, who look to our reputable magazine for editorial excellence?

Celia: My aim, in writing a column was to spread the word about your reputable magazine. One has only to run a google search with the words "Brad Pitt" and "bedroom" and Maisonneuve comes up tops now. "Porn" and "carpet burns" too, will have the search engines roaring. An apology, Ms. Erickson? [ Ed note: Celia may have a point, her post entitled "Getting Brad Pitt into the Bedroom" has already generated over 1600 readers.]

Miss Erickson: It is plainly obvious you had plenty of time to try to flirt with famous actors, Ms. Lloyd. But did you actually see any films, and if so, which was your favourite?

Celia: My favourite film would have to be Babel, directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritu. The film features Brad Pitt and Gael Garcia Bernal-so basically you are getting two-for-the-price-of-one.

Miss Erickson: While it's clear you didn't do us any favours in terms of getting high quality interviews, what would your advice be to young journalists covering the festival for the first time next year?

Celia: DO start using the anti-aging pomades in advance of the festival. About 83 percent of women report that wrinkles are visibly decreased after four weeks of application; in one week, I saw no changes.

DON'T work with the photographer Tima Nahad, unless you just want groin shots of the stars.

DO your research; Hollywood marriages could end at any time and you need to be ready to swoop.

DON'T think I will be giving up my TIFF press pass to anyone any time soon.

Miss Erickson: Thank you, Ms. Lloyd. That will be all.