Register Wednesday | June 19 | 2019

Instant Syndication

American Idol still sucks.

My friends and I have little rituals while watching television. On Wednesdays, when West Wing is on, Geebs and I will usually text each other. We’re both big Josh Lyman fans, and both of us think that the Mary-Louise Parker story line was epic. (Henceforth, the lovely Ms. Parker will be known as the MLP. I fucking love the MLP. Is there a more sexually intelligent actress out there? I’d like to fuck her and listen to her read poetry, and don’t know which one I’d rather do more… yes I do. Was that an overshare?) Usually Geebs and I will text things like, “Holy shit! Did they just do that?” And “I like Donna, but I really wish they’d stop with hinting at some romance with Josh.” And “It’s too bad Bartlett isn’t running in 2004. I’d vote for him.” It’s deep, heady stuff, these analytical texts of ours, but it’s also a great way to share little things. We aren't roommates anymore, and none of us live near each other, so its become something of an odd, but nice, ritual. The moment West Wing comes on (season finale tonight!), I instantly think of Geebs (aka Leah Zajac, my best mate’s wife, but a kickass woman and friend in her own right). It’s a great association.

With me and Bob it’s movies. We go to them, we talk through them, the humorless white people around generally hate us, but we have a great time doing it. Movies are better that way. Why more people don’t entertain themselves is beyond me, but at least we get a kick out of the things we say out loud at public movie theaters.

For Tony, it was 24, at least until last night when he ruined it forever. I know I said a lot of really nice things about Tony in a previous post, and all of them are true, but he is also the laziest bastard on the face of this earth. He is also the biggest television fan you’ll ever meet. At 23 he purchased a big screen. What the rest of us thought an absurd purchase for a kid one year out of college, he found necessary for proper viewing enjoyment. Sometimes he talks about characters and situations like he’s relating the stories of dear friends. (This is a slight exaggeration, but this is my forum and Tony can’t defend himself and you probably believe me anyway because I’m a trustworthy guy.) So last night, the season finale of 24, Chase gets his hand chopped off by an axe. Shocked! Holy Shit! I have to call Tony! I can’t believe what I just saw! Gotta call Tony!
“What’s up, dude!”
“Holy Shit!”
“Are you calling about 24?”
“Yes, I can’t believe I…”
“DON’T TELL ME!! I’m TiVo-ing it. I’m going to watch it in an hour so I can fast forward through the commercials. I fucking hate the commercials. I’ll call you back at about 10:45.”

By the time he called back, amazed that Chase’s hand had been chopped off by an ax, I was not only over the whole finale, but had moved on to more important things, like world hunger and the African AIDS crisis.

Who the hell TiVos a show just so they can watch it an hour later sans commercials? Apparently my friend does. Oh, and American Idol still sucks. (Go Fantasia?)