The weekend went from strange to stranger, kept having odd and uncomfortable experiences one after another. I was mostly a witness to events and nothing bad happened to me, but I feel affected, shaken, confused and the joy of spring seems a little tempered.

Came across a man trying to help another guy who was in pretty bad shape on Saturday. My boyfriend called an ambulance and I got ice from a coffee shop. He was bleeding a lot but I think he will be alright. Saw a very erratic show that had some very strong work but also one of the most tasteless pieces I have ever seen. It used images from Iraq to try to lend meaning to an otherwise superficial work. The result was offensive and sensationalist. Sunday, some of my neighbours, my boyfriend and I tried to help a cat after it had been hit by a car. It was a very sad scene and when I went upstairs to call for help my key broke in the lock.

All the events are random but at the same time they have left me feeling off kilter, like I am surrounded by a strange magnetic charge or something. After witnessing several unrelated incidences of violence and pain, I am struck by the fragility of the living body. Saw clearly that if it breaks down, so do we. Still can't comprehend what it would be like to try to cope in a war torn place.
The other element that stands out to me, is allowing oneself to be implicated or not. Some people are still ready to help and care for others, but don't seem to know quite how to act on it. A while ago, I was very convinced of the fact that our society emphasises the individual in order to more easily control us. In my work but generally as well, a lot of people are obsessed with their personal success. We feel like we have to be to get anywhere. At the same time I think we want to reach out to each others but aren't practised at it. Most of us are uncomfortable becoming involved in each others problems and helping others altruistically. The cat finally calmed down and died peacefully when I put my hand on it, but it took me too long to figure out I could touch it. The solution was alot simpler than I thought.

The world seems to be such a mess right now and I often question the fact that I spend most of my energy on something that hurts my body, is often superficial, shakes my self worth and doesn't directly help people. But then I know that at its essence dance is about the anima - about being alive in one's skin. That it communicates viscerally and can go beyond words. That practising it is a way of investigating physical and intuitive intelligence as well as mental. In our society we are so disconnected from our bodies that evolving/ remembering ways of using our spines, senses and interacting with touch are precious things that are an important part of the human experience. But how do I apply this? Do I teach, create, strive to inhabit my ideals while training and on stage. I do appreciate learning from my peers and mentors. When this is happening it doesn't feel like a waste of time. Just wondering how to connect one reality to another. I get a little too serious about it all, guess it is trying to still believe in and find meaning in the events I experience. At times its a bit much for the consciousness of an upright animal in an chaotic universe.

Later,

Erin