I think in the past 10 minutes I passed into some delusional half-world of my brain’s own creation. We are moving into hour 17, I’m still at the office, it’s nearing 1AM and I probably have another hour to go before I head home for a few hours sleep so I can get up and be dulled eyed and furrow tailed tomorrow. What am I talking about? It is tomorrow, right now, as I type. I should just stay here; build a nest under my desk. The managing editor can kick me away when he comes in tomorrow morning. Rather, in the morning. Fuck. As the Pixies once sang, “Where is my mind?” I don’t think I can answer that write now. Please leave your name and number at the beep. I will get back to you never.

Ten minutes ago I was bouncing up and down giggling at something someone said. It wasn’t even funny, they weren’t making a joke. They were asking a question about a piece I’m editing. I think I was bouncing and half singing “I don’t ca-are. I don’t ca-are. I don’t ca-are.” It feels like running in quicksand, driving with the parking break up. At least I’m not yet talking to volleyball.

My God, this issue has no end. I’ve reached a state of exhaustion that even my college self would find foreign. I was the king of the all-nighter back then, and it amazes me how work can drain my energy in a way that 2 nights without sleep ever did.

I’m putting sticks together on the floor. H-E-L-P they spell. Maybe if a helicopter flies over it will see and send a boat to rescue me. I should pile the excess paper from the printer and building a smoking fire. Signals are important here. Should something pass into this vicinity, I must make sure it sees me. Stay visible. Don’t crack. Not yet. Just two days left. Just two days left. Like a mantra. Just two days left.

S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S. S.O.S.

Is there anybody out there?*

*Disclaimer: It's 9:32AM, just got into the office, looked this over. There are TONS of errors in this tiny piece, but I'm keeping them. They speak to my unique mindset last night.

Today is the big one. We will ship over 140 pages today, probably be here till 2 or 3AM in the process. Friday will be a cake walk. Just the loose ends. Wish me luck.