Register Monday | June 17 | 2019

Take Two of These and Call Me in the Morning

"That part of the reason I don’t function well when I’m sick is that my brain fogs to shit. Like today. "

Here is what I’ve figured out being home sick:

That I actually can go through a day without a cigarette, particularly when I feel miserable and my throat has been swollen and hurting.

That I can think things like, “I need to get some more water and it’s hot in here. If I pick up my glass, get the water, I can turn on the air conditioner on the way back. That way, it’s less steps.”

That my turtle makes a lot more noise in the morning than I had once thought. I don’t sleep in that often anymore, and apparently at around 10:30 my turtle starts splashing around if he hasn’t been fed. I know that makes the swimming turtle sound like an actual pet, and maybe that is what he is.

That, as much as I have held this as a theory, before today I had no proof. Daytime television is fucking miserably bad. The dumbing down of America is happening on NBC, CBS, ABC and other channels sometime between the hours of 9AM and 8PM.

That the West Wing DVD is the greatest invention ever when you are sick.

That you can fall asleep between the 1st show, wake up somewhere towards the end of the 3rd and not rewind because you missed anything.

That I am rather ill-prepared for a national disaster, let alone being sick. In my refrigerator I have: a Brita, some OJ, some Carrot Juice and 2 bottles of wine. In my freezer is: Veil and Spaghetti TV dinner, ice, and Oreo sandwich ice cream cookies. In my pantry lies: Oatmeal, oatmeal, oatmeal and some cereal. That is the sum total of my food. That’s it. Normally I’m too busy to feel like a bachelor, but that accounting is just retarded.

That part of the reason I don’t function well when I’m sick is that my brain fogs to shit. Like today. Which means that I write this over the course of hours, going back and forth between the couch and the computer.

That I can actually sleep much more than 4 or 5 hours a night. I can sleep 10, and then nap and nap and nap.
I am feeling better, for what it’s worth. Not quite well, but definitely am on the mend. But I do wish I had some lemon. Everyone recommends lemon and honey when you’re sick. Why is this?

That, right now, all I want to do is take a bath. I feel gross.