I feel I can speak with authority on the aesthetics of weddings. There are a couple of reasons for this, but the main one is: I've never been a bride. In fact, I've never even been part of a wedding party. I have never been involved with picking the flowers, rubbing the swaths of satiny fabric between my thumbs or giving away my best friend with a tearful, mascara-ed hug. Maybe it will all happen to me one day-but if I become a monster- bride with poor dress sense, I hope my best friend will slap me out of it.

With wedding season almost upon us, now seems like a good time to discuss the unsettling phenomenon of the bride. It is always disconcerting to watch a friend who once dressed like a rocker take out her nose ring and buy a meringue of a dress. There is ...