Register Sunday | December 16 | 2018

Abusive Blogger

Now I get the cold shoulder

Baby, baby. Hold on, baby. You have to know that I would never intentionally hurt you. You have to know that, don't you? How could I ever hurt you? I love you too much.

I know I hit you with my absence this past month. I don't know what came over me. I've never been like that before. But it's not like I'm wholly responsible for the exchange. It wasn't just me. This is a relationship, this goes both ways. I never would have hurt you and left for so long had you not pushed me to it. In a way, you're culpable.

After all, what about all those shitty responses? What about all the times you questioned me and doubted me? What about those!

No, no you are right. What you did, while wrong, in no way justifies my silence. The cold shoulder. You're right, baby. I know you're right. You always were so smart.

But it's just so hard. I love you so much, sometimes I can't control myself. Sometimes it bears down on me like the weight of heaven and I cannot help myself. But I can be better, my love. I know I can be better.

See, what happened was this. I changed jobs, honey. I know I should have told you, should have shared it with you, but it was all so overwhelming at the time. It's the first time I've ever been out there on my own. I'm going to be doing some freelancing for the same magazine I worked for, going in about 2 weeks every month, and for the other 2 weeks my time will be my own. I've been writing for other places, trying to line some things up, outlining my novel, working on a software product, and I'm going to be contributing somewhere else as well.

Do you understand the kind of pressure I was under? It was intense, sweetie. So intense. I know this doesn't make sense, but you were the only thing that kept me going. Even though I didn't write here, although we didn't see each other, I was thinking of you the whole time. Only you. The whole time.

Because I love you, baby. So much. You are one of the most important things in my life. Please, please, don't leave.

Promise me you're still here. Tell me you're still with me. Tell me you're still mine.

I promise I'll never take you for granted again.