I thought it might be good for her to go to camp rather than spending the summer in the city doing nothing, just hanging around, the city is so hot, stifling, you can’t breathe, and besides I had no choice, I do have to work, I can’t very well just take her with me all the time, she’ll be better off with kids her own age, out in the fresh air, in the country, the place is an old farm, it’s so great, there are even kittens, they drink milk and chase mice, real farm cats, and an old dog, look, look at the nice dog, oh, he seems so old, you’ll look after him won’t you, you like dogs so much, no, he’s not ugly, he’s just old, you’ll get used to it, and you’ll see, it’ll go by quickly, summer always goes by faster than the other seasons, it’s just three short weeks, it’s nothing, and you’re a big girl now, you have to do things without me, without us,  your father and I need some time just the two of us, without you, without children, which means without you, you understand, without having you there as a diversion, as a kind of screen between your father and me, I’m your mother but I’m a woman too, I can’t carry everything all the time, it’s important to be fulfillled too, it’ll be the same thing when you’re older, it’s hard for women to feel fulfilled, you’ll see, there’s a lake here, you’ll be able to swim every day, a real lake with nice fish in it, I know it’s not the ocean but it’s a good, big lake, you know there are lots of kids who’d love to be in your shoes, they’d like to go to summer camp, they have no access to nature, to a lake, poor kids, they’re stuck in the city all summer like zombies, bored out of their heads, burning on the pavement, but here there are all kinds of activities, they even have movie nights under the stars, under the stars means that you’re outside, what a lovely idea, watching a movie outdoors, if you get bored with the movie you can always just look up at the stars, and you’ll make campfires and do sports, you’ll sing songs and learn about team spirit, it’s such a good thing, that solidarity, the camaraderie, no one is an island, you’ll see, you know I used to go to summer camp when I was your age, yes of course there was such a thing back then, a sleepover camp away from home, away from my parents, I learned so much, I have such wonderful memories, I have to go now, okay, don’t cry, look at the other kids, they’re not crying, see, they’re happy, they’re going to be your friends, you’ll make lots of friends, you’ll see, you’ll have so many friends you won’t want to come home, you’ll want to stay here forever, you’ll beg me, Mama let me stay, I want to stay here forever and never come back home, no, no, I’m only joking, here, put your hat on, the sun is so bright today, you have to wear your hat when it’s sunny like this, look over there, look, there’s a girl just like you, she has her hat on, go talk to her, do you want us to go say hi, maybe you’ll become best friends, all right then, and don’t forget, Pompom is in your bag, remember we put him in your bag, Pompom, you can sleep with your stuffie, it will be almost like we’re together, almost together, sweetie, together in our hearts, in our thoughts, that’s what matters most, our hearts and our thoughts, there, the counsellor is calling you, go on, did you hear, she called your name, you have to go now, that’s your camp counsellor, here, let go of my hand and take hers, let go of my hand—thank you, miss—there now, thank you, she looks nice doesn’t she, see how pretty she is, she’s young, like a big sister, all right now, go on, I love you, see you soon, I have to go, she was watching me, terrified, and I had to turn away, I was turning away from the terror in her eyes, I was leaving, it wasn’t easy to leave her at camp, it tore me apart, truly, but I had to, and today I’m the one looking at her like that, I’m terrified, and she’s leaving all the same, my daughter, she has to leave, she’s leaving, she’ll come back, she promised, but when, when, as soon as I can, Mama, I’m doing the best I can, Mama, you know, I’ll come visit as often as I can, we’ve talked about this, you’re better off here, it’s safer for you, I couldn’t handle it anymore, I was too worried about you, they’re taking good care of you here, and you’re not alone, Mama, stop saying you’re all alone, look around, there are lots of residents here, and why do you refuse to eat in the dining room, you’d feel less alone, you could meet some people, the attendant told me you didn’t want to eat with the others yet you’re saying that you’re bored, but there are lots of activities, they go out of their way to organize things for you, you’ve got to put some effort into it if you want to be happy here, why don’t you want to participate in the activities, why are you making such a fuss, tomorrow Sylvie is coming, Sylvie the pet-therapy lady, you liked her dog, remember, what was his name again, you forgot, I don’t remember either, you’ll ask her, you’ll ask Sylvie what her dog’s name is, I’m going to help you take off your jacket, it’s hot, it’s hot in here, you’re not hot but I’m telling you it’s hot, there, do you ever look at the photo album, I made you a nice photo album, remember, for Christmas, it’s in your drawer, there’s lots of nice photos, there’s Daddy and everybody, you should look at it more often, look at the photo album, it’ll do you good, I have to go now, here, have a sip of water before I go, just a little sip, come on, you have to drink, Mama, it’s important to drink, you don’t drink enough water, people don’t drink enough when they get old, old people don’t get as thirsty I guess, all right, well, I have to go now but I’ll be back soon, no, not tomorrow, in three weeks, do you remember, I’m going away, yes I told you, Mama, it’ll go by quickly, Mama, don’t cry, please don’t look at me like that, I’m doing my best, I’m doing my best, and it’s true, she is doing her best, my daughter, no tears, it’s normal, my daughter has a life to live, she’s a woman now, she has a right to want to feel fulfilled, she has to go, it’ll tear her apart but she has to leave, to leave me here, I know I’m not really alone, I do know that, it’s just an expression, we’re not alone here, that’s the worst part, we’re all in this together, I know there’s no other solution, there’s no other option, my daughter really tried to find a way, she’s a good girl, she calls me all the time, she’ll call me tomorrow, she’s a loving daughter, she always has been, she hasn’t changed, nothing changes, nothing changes and everything gets turned upside down, mothers have daughters, then it’s their turn, they have mothers, and each one does her best to love the other, but we can’t carry everything all the time. ⁂

Translated from Les traits difficiles, 2024, published by Les Herbes rouges. Reprinted by permission from the publisher.

Evelyne de la Chenelière is a Montreal writer and actor. Her extensive literary dramatic work has been recognized with a Governor General’s Literary Award, for her play Désordre public, among other honours. The collection Les traits difficiles, from which the story “La charge,” translated here, is taken, is her second book of prose fiction.